Having posted something reasonably intelligent and well-received I must now inform you that it is my solemn duty to enforce my notion of cosmic balance by writing something completely terrible about absolutely unintelligent endeavors.
I downloaded and started playing TERA.
My first impression is that this is a game designed to be enjoyed primarily by those who would also take delight in watching old reruns of the anime saga Tenchi Muyo, a cartoon normally enjoyed by twelve-year-olds in the comfort of their living room after school and on the weekends. For good measure we’ll throw in Love Hina as well. I only know about these things because I was briefly obsessed with them in my early twenties. Don’t ask.
The central premise of these sorts of cartoons is that there is a Guy Who Is Cool Without Trying or a Hidden and Misunderstood Genius who is completely oblivious to the mob of female characters who are all in love with him and would love nothing more than to marry him and/or give him a soapy titwank.
Enter TERA, a very pretty and seemingly vapid quest-hub-grinder clone whose chief driving aesthetic is best and worst described as Sexpots in Slutmail and you can see the parallels between the types of viewers these two forms of entertainment appear to be directed at.
I did my best in rolling up a Human character who was more clothed than naked and chose the Warrior class, the bane of all non-generic classes. In this world they dual wield swords and can be used for “evasion” tanking which is said to require a high level of skill. I chose that over Lancer, an absorption tank, due to the fact that I did not want to be wielding a 25-foot jousting pole as my primary weapon.
My logic is flawless. Don’t question it.
The High Elves heave their chests too much in their default idling animation (in which they can’t possibly be idling), the Popori are nightmare fuel, and the pandas are only good for a silent chuckle when you see one riding a panda mount. I may try a Castanic in the near future (evil devil-women with horns who resemble Draenei) as they seem to have some sleek, stylish looks that boast the least pronounced bosoms. In other words, reasonably proportioned.
It should be clear from the text that I’m exploring this game primarily for the aesthetics. Everything else is rather standard. It’s got action combat with dodge rolls and a targeting reticle; the reticle seems to be most useful for the archer and gunner classes although the latter carry around weapons so large that it would seem they shouldn’t need to aim them at all. The action combat is referred to by some sources as “Stop-Motion Combat” due to the use of animation locks, i.e. the abilities you execute right before an enemy winds up a one-shot attack so that you die instantly when your animation is done.
I’ve found a new faffing game for now – not that I needed one – and will be happy to update you when I’ve made any significant amount of progress in this teenage pinup wet dream.
Don’t expect any updates.